My Husband. For you, for free.

My husband is buying a boat.
He has now found one, but is now waiting for the cheque (of his savings$) to arrive from his investment company so that he can pay for it.
He is acting like an impatient, anxious, ranting, raving, 5 year old girl, complaining of feeling sick to his stomach.
Today, he called me 836, 567, 201 times. Okay, to be fair, perhaps it was not that many times. But it felt exactly like that many times.
He even went so far as to call my brother and ask him to go to our house and check the mail. Because that would make a difference. It might spontaneously ignite and be gone by the time I get home from work.

One husband. Working order. Had all shots. Free to anyone brave enough to take him.